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Unintitledim almost fourteen years old
i want to be a scientist when i grow up
i like drawing and writing
reading is my favourite past time
my favourite colour is purple
i tend to repeat things over and over again
but it isnt my fault
i always had the same things repeated to me
through my life
often demeaning my gender
because i was thought to be weak
though my supposed only purpose is one of the hardest
i keep wondering if i was a boy i would really make a difference
but because im a girl, im told i cant
im just silly
to be honest i am not the most athletic of girls
i prefer to sit instead of run
for my back tends to hurt all the time
i am often told that i am lazy because of this
even though i cant play the same sports as boys
even though i dont often play the same rough games
i do like to join in on a nice day
but i do not know the rules, since i was never taught
and i can never really be part of the team, because im just a little different in anatomy
im just not the
--i make myself sick sometimes
because im always aware that i can do so much more than this
but i decide to sit around and decay
i think if i had more influence, maybe i would do more?
maybe be a better person to everyone
the maybe is what gets me, though
it means i don't really want to do it
because it means getting up and really working
even now im procrastinating on something that can effect my entire life
but instead im writing this
but maybe ill finish it later
--to be honest i don't know what i was expecting from life
i mean there's no one who really wants me here
i have a lot of people who i call friends
but in the end they won't care
they all just don't care
personally, i couldn't care more about anything
rhymes and lies are the same now really
i just want to be really loved, the way i love others
all my mind thinks about are words that are said
and nothing that people think's important
i can't remember if i've truly smiled lately
why create life to be complicated if it will never enjoy it
--Kiss the sun
and let the moon be angry
catch your dreams and keep them
with your fireflies
Leaps and bounds
above the living grounds
are clouds that keep your stars
away from you
CigarettesThey say that smoking kills
but people do too
I got spirit
and the spirits do too
Ooo kill 'em
ooo but they're already dead
Stop saying stop saying it's all in my head
Ooo kill 'em
ooo you think I've lost my mind
So I guess you were lying
When you said you'd always be mine
Stop being smoke in my lungs
you're choking me up
but even when you leave
I feel like throwing up
ProblematicProblems are problems, I must fix them myself.
I cannot believe this is how you felt.
My euphoric personality is starting to drain.
Over the hills and through the rain.
I always thought I could stay strong
but it seems that I'm
the weaker of the two.
I seem to be systematically
pushing you away.
Maybe that's how
I'll save you today.
I am one of your problems,
I will fix myself for you.
Just please give me another day,
And as the strikes move up to three,
I can only hope you'll stick it through with me.
Confessions We are so pointless, like writing the names of stars upon the Earths crust. We're pungent, disgusting creatures that make death pale in comparison to what is growing in the ever thickening imagination of humanity. Though we say humanity is what is best in things, but oftentimes in brings out the worse in all.
I think I need to stop falling in love with people that can't be real to me because oftentimes I am not a real person to them. I have fallen in love many times, but not the love you think of as written in most fairy tales. I have fallen in love with people that I want to spend the rest of my life with, but not through marriage, but through friendship. Countless are those I would die for and countless are those who want me to die.
Fragile like eggshells are her bones, since she has always been supported with crutches through her entire life, never trusted to be let alone for a moment. Fragile is her soul, since
misunderstanding the unspokenLover Boy hands you a gun
a .42 with a star on the hilt
and says if you don't love me shoot me through the heart
I've had enough with this game you're playing
I think that love isn't about what people will do for you
but what you will do
I say and
I say that
I have not led you on
And does that gun
have a bullet for my chest
because I never felt I needed to say
I haven't loved like that
But do you really need confirmation
Or will your hopes keep flying higher
as my thoughts keep going deeper to the dark
You're worth so much moreShe was the type
to cut her wrists,
and then swallow the
because looking at what
was even harder
but I want to tell her
to let the emotions
p i l
out of her mouth,
instead of her
and that I'll gladly
let the words slice me,
if it means
I Tear My Skin AwayI Tear My Skin Away
I tear this skin from my body,
Even if the world screams,
That I am only an illusion.
I tear the bones from my legs,
Through pain, I will grow,
Through suffering, I will become.
I rip the muscles from my arms,
These teeth from my jaws...
And with nothing upon me,
I carry on...
Like a broken puppet, still shivering,
Still forcing its way through the darkness;
I tremble for I am nothing...
And yet, I am moving. My voice still screams...
I draw breath into these tired lungs,
As I rip the flesh away...
And I shatter these mirrors before me,
With a voice that will not break:
Because the world cannot label me as nothing,
And I will live for my own sake!
"So tell me, is that all the pain you've got for me?"
A note for people who need a kind wordJust a note,
For anyone who has felt,
Like they have been broken.
Just like an old toy.
Thrown and tossed around like a rag doll.
To anyone who feels,
They re tearing at their seams.
And they re losing all control.
A note to the little girl,
And waited for her mother.
Or her father.
To come back home,
To keep her safe,
While she cried.
Or to at least of said goodbye.
And wishes they d come back and tell her,
A note to the lonely boy.
So quiet and reserved.
Who sits and takes their cruel words.
Thinking it s what he deserved.
To be thrown into lockers,
And thinking he can find something better,
With the company of a razor,
Rather than a human.
Because humans have caused him more hurt,
Than the blades that pierce his skin.
A note to the beautiful girls.
Who walk for miles,
Until they have blisters on their feet.
Because they will not accept the defeat,
Of having to see numbers,
That tell them they are not worthy.
They are not pretty.
And they should not be living.
If they c
You're beautifulPlease eat.
Are you listening to me?
If you are,
I want to tell you.
You re beautiful.
It doesn't matter what you weigh,
you shouldn't feel guilty about what you ate.
It doesn't matter,
I promise you things will get better.
Listen to my words,
Hold my hand.
Don't worry about the rest of the world,
It's okay if they don't understand,
How it feels like,
To feel fat,
To feel ugly,
To feel worthless.
You are none of those things.
It s okay to be chubby,
It s okay to be skinny.
Because you have a big heart.
And your smile,
Is like a priceless work of art.
And I don't want to see you destroy,
Because you're more than just a broken toy.
And to everyone else,
So for once let yourself be,
Accept your reflection.
Because you are the definition of perfection.
So don't worry,
Don't be sorry,
To be who you are.
Because you re,
notes on a matchbook love.if I were the type
to say how I really felt,
I'd tell you that
I hope you choke on your apologies
like they're arsenic
and your nails are already
with the poison.
I'd let you know
that I'll never be a body
for you to touch
just because I know that's all you want.
I'll never be a fairy in a bottle
at your waist.
this is no storybook, and
I am no myth.
hear my silence,
feel the cold absence
respond to your weak "I'm sorry"s.
I beg you,
stop digging the hole,
stop, just stop.
Hush and watch the flames
engulf the image you sold me.
you can tell me
I'm beautiful as much
as you want,
but I know that it's not enough,
that you'll always want more,
that you've been a wolf
between my legs all this time
and my fingers are bruised
from holding the leash.
now every time you whisper
"please be okay",
I will always tell you that
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I will forever pretend
that I've grown up from you,
that I've become a mystery
What is Hope?Hope is something we have as children,
It helps us thrive and try our hardest.
Hope is what we express in the worst of times
When all hope seems lost.
Hope is what people possess in life
To work toward our dreams.
Hope is a lie
That's not worth our time.
AnxietyAnxiety tapping on my door,
"Can I come inside your head?"
I shiver, not ready for its visit.
It charges in, smelling of worry.
Spends a morning, afternoon and night,
playing with my emotions.
A marionette dancing its old tune on rough strings.
Leaves me winded and praying to beat it the next time.
I Know You're Strong, Let's Be Stronger TogetherI Know You're Strong, Let's Be Stronger Together
if i’m being completely honest,
i can’t say i know what you’re goin’ through.
and if i’m being frank,
i’m sort of afraid to write this
because i’ve always been unsure
if i love too much but it’s my nature
and i’d rather lose by trying too hard
than to do so without doing enough.
i hope you’re asleep now
and i hope you don’t read this
till the morning and i hope by then
things will be a little lighter
but i’m hoping against hope
because if you don’t know,
i feel when things are off.
call it intuition, call it a feelin’,
say i just know it.
my friend, my door is always open
even when you’re feeling closed
off to the world and right there,
i can understand that feeling well,
because i still feel we relate to one another
better than most brothers understand their sisters.
know i look at you as a sibling
and i believe we know when the other
I miss youYou are a ghost in my head
Living, yet you haunt my thoughts today
To speak your name
Would be to desecrate this space
Where you are, I should not care to know
But you are a never-healing wound
An unfulfilled promise
A chance to do no wrong
My memories burn with your taste, your touch, your smell
Who have I become?
Too long have the years been to me
To find myself wishing for the crossroads
For the chance to say no, one more time.
I am sorry (for not leaving soon enough)Hey there, my beauty, I'm sorry, but it's time for us to part ways.
I love you, so dearly, but darling, you are growing more distant every day..
Or is it I?
I love you, the way you love your prince, okay?
Hey now, I'm sorry, but really, there is no way for you to love me like I love you.
Wait now, please don't cry, I'm broken, but you are strong and you are mighty, more than I can be for you.
I'm worth the dirt on the bottom of your worn shoes, old from your wonderful travels.
you are an uncut diamond, but I still manage to get under your skin.
You are my sun, with your ferocious personality,
you are my stars, shining bright against the dark,
you are my moon hanging low above the sea..
it's just that you're just worth so much to me..
And I can't bear the fact that if I stick around any longer that I will eventually hurt you,
and therefore hurting me.
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More